6 Things To Avoid on a Time Travel Vacation
Time traveling is a nuanced endeavor with centuries of established etiquette and customs. This blog will serve as an educational guide to those lucky enough to stumble upon a traveling machine in the twenty-first century. Most people aren’t so lucky and these words are merely for entertainment. However, advanced, inter-dimensional quantum travel and pedestrian chronological migration aren’t so different. There are many overlapping, universal travel tips that apply to all centuries dating back to the days of the ancient silk road. I hope these tips will reach the hearts of the wander-struck, the warbling vagabonds, the ones who’ve strayed from the path–and most of all–I hope this blog will prevent you from getting shanked in a twelfth century bathroom in southern India.
Good luck, travelers.
Time Sharks
Often in the heat of travel, you will run into time sharks. These predatory keepers corner you into accepting time loans with incredibly high interest rates. The last thing you want to do is accept one of these gambits.
My best advice is to learn how to spot a time shark and understand exactly what they’re after and why they target the people that they do. If you avoid displaying neophyte time traveling etiquette, you will blend in with the era and slip through the clutches of anyone trying to take advantage of the delicacy of your inter-dimensional vacation.
Detroit 2421
Trust me. Don’t even pop in out of curiosity.
Revealing the nature of your vacation to anyone
This is a pretty intuitive point, however, I’ve seen it happen several times — a new traveler after a few drinks rattles off some time traveling jargon. Eras in the past aren’t as liberal as the twenty-first century with mental health issues. If someone hears you talking about scientifically unproven things, you might end up dead.
Also, don’t reveal the truth to try to get laid. It doesn’t work.
Taking locals through time with you
Piggybacking off of the last point, if you happen to reveal that you’re a time traveler, under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you bring anyone through time with you. One: it is illegal to do so, and two: it is highly irresponsible and dangerous. People of the twenty-sixth century have trained and conditioned themselves to handle the molecular strain that traveling through space and time puts on the body. Try to bring a Viking to Miami Beach and he will most likely implode before the Renaissance.
Trying to skip your layovers
The people of the 21st century may not know this, but the farther you travel in time, the bigger the strain on your machine. It is highly recommended to travel in no more than 250 year increments at a time. Allow your machine to recharge and settle for a few days before you continue on your journey. Trying to push out 600 year stretches at one will lead to damage and possibly leave you stranded with no way of returning.
Staying in one place for over two weeks
Among time travelers, two weeks is the golden number. When in a foreign time period, you’re going to want to stay as invisible as possible. Wear cloaks or robes or whatever the hell the locals wear and blend in to the point of assimilation. The safest way to enjoy time traveling is to treat your experience like you would an art gallery. Walk around quietly, observe, but touch nothing. Bringing attention to yourself will only stir up questions and trouble.
So after much experience, it has been recommended to limit your stays to two weeks. And to be frank, that is pushing it. I tend to stay in one place for about three to five days. Unless I’m fluent in the language and culture, I try not to talk or look anyone in the eyes.
These are all tips that are generally agreed upon by the time travel community. If you’re going on a trip, I highly recommend you follow these guidelines. However, I don’t follow any of this nonsense. The real experience of traveling is living as one of the locals, being immersed in a society and interacting with the people. Treating a place like a museum and observing from a distance is a cold experience. You’ll come to learn that this blog represents the fringes of time traveling. (I mislead you a bit in the intro)
Thank you for reading, I’ll see you in the future.
Elio
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